The Masculinity Crisis

The following text is an excerpt from my book Meaning in the Age of Absurdity, written in late 2023. I’ve chosen to share it here in light of recent reports highlighting the distressing conditions in classrooms across the UK and the US, particularly the growing sense of disorientation and disengagement among young men.
If the ideas explored in this chapter resonate with you, I encourage you to consider reading the full book. It offers a deeper examination of the current crisis facing our society and outlines possible paths forward.

The state of men and masculinity needs to be discussed if we are to fully address the social symptoms of the meaning crisis. Men have lost their historical role as a protector and provider in western society. To put it simply, peace, the export of manual work to the east, and the increasing segment of the service economy all contributed to the creation of a reality in which physical strength is no longer needed as a requirement in society. Additionally, the well-needed liberation of women, their entry into the workforce, and the ever-growing welfare state all changed society. Equalizing the playing field and creating a new social order in which women no longer need man as the only or main breadwinner in the family.

Adding to all of these, the rising notion that the elevation of men is directly correlated to the degradation of the status or freedom of women, placing both sexes' success as a zero-sum game, hindered our capacity as a society to have a real and constructive conversation on this topic. Leaving a subject that affects 50% of the population directly and 100% of the population indirectly unaddressed.

Adding to the complexity of this issue, some other trends have evolved in the last 60 years, affecting the development of men. Changes in general nutrition and the lack of physical activities are part of the explanation associated with a very concerning trend. Based on clear evidence22, a constant decrease in testosterone has been observed in men for the last 60 years. A trend that has doubled in speed in recent years. This hormonal change has important consequences as it changes the physical development of kids into manhood and affects the mental state of our population. Many people (especially the Neo Feminist) see it as a blessing as Testosterone is associated with aggression. An idea that is based on truth but represents only a small part of the total side effect of this trend. Low levels of testosterone also affects men's motivation, strength, and urge to socialize and mate. All traits that are needed in a functional society.

A concerning trend has emerged in the last few decades, demonizing men and the general concept of masculinity hailed by the Neo-feminist movement. A trend that has been well documented both in the role of men in movies and TV shows, as in the general movement of deconstructionism, aggressively explaining to the youngest generations that all our male historical heroes were sexist at best or patriarchal racist. This trend started in the early 80s, presenting the father figure in many TV shows as incompetent, lazy, and sometimes truly sexist. Following a few years of this trend, a shift started in recent decades, aggressively changing all the male heroes in movies to female ones. Additionally, as part of the aggressive process of deconstructionism led by our current educational system, a slow movement demonizing all our historical heroes has taken over the west. Killing aggressively all the possible male role models that took meaningful part in creating western greatest nations and cultures. Leaving young people with no real example of what a real positive masculinity is.

The crisis of men is different from that of women. From men’s perspective, feminism gives women a clear vision and role to aim for. It is calling for women to be strong, independent, and free to experiment with their passion for the sake of self-fulfilment. On many levels, the frame built from the side of neo-feminism is everything that could have been categorized as the less pleasant aspect of the manhood they so despise. They are told to pursue a career, search to discover themselves in a quest involving multiple sexual partners, be emotionless and harsh as a boss, and pursue status and money. While many things can be said about it, the relevant part for this conversation is that from the women's point of view, the bottom line is that they should be “more”. This frame of reference is outlined in specific terms. One each woman can follow and aim for. When looking at the family structure, it is clear for Neo feminists what they shouldn’t do any longer. The idea is simple: everything that represented old femininity is off the table, including nurturing their own child.

On the other hand, men are in a completely different predicament. At the core of our current social movement, the demands from men are in the negative or just abstract. Depending on the social interaction, men, in general, are asked to be less of what they are, not be like their elders, or just be more of something they are not. Leaving many with a general feeling of confusion, guilt, and frustration. This general approach is not constructive, as it does not have a specific path to be taken by men, fitting their natural inclination. Eventually, men are asked to be less masculine (meaning participating less in men's activities, not acting as providers and protectors, etc.), not to act like their grandfathers (meaning not seeing relationships and women in the historical traditional patriarchal way), and be in general more feminine (meaning being more connected to their emotions, nurturing kids like women, etc.).

While some of these claims are truly relevant and positive on the great scale of things, it does not change the fact that, at its core, those demands are abstract at best and contradicting the natural evolutionary development of men at worst. Additionally, as mentioned previously, it mainly explains to men what they shouldn’t be instead of giving them a clear path to walk in proudly.

Another factor that affects all younger generations and is relevant to this topic is the coddling of our recent generation. Recent generation of parents has shown a concerning trend, making our youngest generation weak, conflict avoidant and entitled. A trend that is well-documented all-over western society. A wonderful book has been written by Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt9 called “The Coddling of the American Mind,” showing this trend clearly. In their book, they suggest that this process has been taking place out of the goodwill of parents to protect their children. A general tendency that by itself is understandable.

Regardless, a tragic outcome of a prolonged time of peace has made us all weaker and confused. While the trend affects men and women alike, its outcome seems different. Entitled young women march proudly, demanding their rights to be whatever and whoever they choose to become. Their incapability to handle conflict or hardship is reflected in their requirements for institutionalized protection (as safe spaces and cancelation of triggering ideas) while demanding that everything that can endanger their existence be banned or criminalized. Men, on the other hand, reacted to this trend differently. As they lost the capacity to compete, show aggression (natural and healthy for young adults), overcome hardship, or take any leadership, a general movement of caving into nothingness emerged.

Recent data23 shows an alarming trend forming in western culture. One in which a growing number of young men are sexless and do not aim for any short or long-term relationship while numbing themselves with excess drugs, porn, and video games. Additionally, many men who lost the prospect of mating, lost with it any incentive to create a career or partake a meaningful role in society. A trend clearly shown in the diminishing of men's participation in the workforce and in the number of graduates. It is a very concerning trend we should all take very seriously for several reasons. The first is that it has economic implications that will affect not only specific households but society as a whole. Secondly, the more time passes, the more the claim of Neo feminism will be validated, creating a downward spiral based on self-validation. Finally, if and when war breaks, no more men will be there to defend the nation and its families.

Adding to the above, historically, a big population of dissatisfied men has been bad news. For hundreds of years, the social solution to this problem was sending young, disassociated men to war or exploration. This was an accepted social structure throughout history. Intuitively, people understood that poor men without marriage or economic prospects are dangerous to society. As they group up, they become a real threat as the chance of violence, revolution, and chaos increases with their numbers. The fact that society has currently managed to numb a big part of the population with drugs, porn, and video games seems to be a temporary solution. I believe it is just a matter of time before some, if not all, will realize the predicament they are in searching for more relevant alternatives. Bringing me to a more concerning trend that has emerged in the last 30 years.

This trend is related to the alternative emerging currently in the west. Lost men without meaning or a healthy role model to follow are constantly searching for guidance. As men are hierarchical in nature, their understanding of their own predicament positions them to search for strong men to lead them. Making them susceptible to bad actors. Not surprisingly, many young, isolated men turn to the internet for answers. Finding new counter-movements that emerged over time in the darkest part of social media. Exposing them to the most extreme of ideas presented as facts by confident profiteers or proper sexists. As I discussed in the previous chapter, social media is a horrible place to search for guidance if one does not have a strong foundation to start with. The algorithm on these platforms couldn’t care less about one inner crisis. It will show one of the two options to its user. Ideas that confirm what one already holds or extreme ideas that will make one furious. It is just how it works, making social media one of the worst places lost men could and should go to in times of crisis.

 As a person who spent many years researching these men's social domains, I can attest that these movements are as extreme and unconstructive as the ideas of Neo-feminism. It is not surprising as, at their core, they are all counter-movements presenting the same insanity from a different angle. They all promote a combination of fear, hate, or pure chauvinistic ideas. Some of the movements push men to see women as being self-concentrated, blood-sucking narcissistic, manipulative, greedy monsters that should be avoided at all costs. At the same time, other groups present women as being shallow and easily manipulate trophies to be acquired as a secondary outcome of men pursuit for muscle, money, fame, and self-fulfilment. Both led by profiteers who made a great career feeding on the wounds of wandering souls.

The most concerning aspect of all of this is that, over time, we are creating a population of poor, lonely, lost and frustrated men with nothing to hold them back or give them purpose. Historically, such a concentration is correlated with violence, chaos, and revolution. After all, young men with no purpose have nothing to stop them from being the worst version of themselves. Making all the extreme prophesies of the Neo feminists a reality. Additionally, preventing us from having a real constructive conversation about it allows bad actors and bad ideas to be the first and only “go-to” for many people.

The general adversary ideas promoted by both feminist and masculine figures are a huge net negative for all of society, taking place in front of our eyes. The decline rate of marriage31, workforce participation32, and birth rate33. Combined with an increased rate of divorces, single parent households34, suicide, addictions35, and extremism are all trends that have been evolving for decades now. Associated with the incapability of men and women to understand their healthy role in relationships and society. It is a clear outcome of the meaning crisis presented in this book. An unfortunate development that I believe should be of the top priority of our conversation.

If we are to aim for the flourishment of society and its individuals, a reality in which society is constructed from angry women and lost men cannot be encouraged. The absurd notion that men and women are in competition instead of a complementary force that leads to meaning and purpose is destructive to all participants. I have no doubt that the fall of theology and its social values created a vacuum. One that is part of the natural process of human evolution and paradigm change. Regardless, I believe many young men and women have good intentions and a wish to be something better at their core. The lack of guidance and constant brainwashing, based on all the ideas covered in this book are pushing them into dark corners. Affecting the future prospects of society and the chance of the west to survive overall. It neither men's nor women's fault on aggregate. It is a reflection of a deep meaning crisis engulfing western society.

I believe most men would love to be worthy of a wife to love, protect, and cherish. One to build a family together and create the most powerful meaning existing in human life. Most have it in them, if they like it or not. Regardless, without proper manly guidance, heroes, and social support, the process of maturing from adolescent to healthy adult manhood seems to not function correctly. Men need to be men, and women need to be women. Let's allow ourselves to be what we are, not because we must, but because it will allow us to see the current immature fight for dominance for what it is – a cry for help from confused people who are missing guidance and meaning.

Inquiry into the Nature of Meaning

Humans are a complex dual mechanism. On one side, we have a body, and on the other, our consciousness. Both are unstoppable and inseparable. Practically, it can be said that one supports the other, and the body maintains our consciousness while our consciousness operates our body. I refer to consciousness specifically, not our brain, as it makes a big difference. Our brain is a biological mechanism that operates as part of our body. It can continue to work without consciousness if the body is artificially maintained. This separation is crucial, as we will see, as it holds one of the main keys to understanding the human condition.

Differently from the physical world, we associate ourselves with our consciousness. While consciousness cannot exist in the physical world without its body and arguably does not exist without it. When referring to a person, we rarely refer to him/her as his body. A fascinating proof is that if a person's consciousness will be swapped with another body. People will no longer refer to the body as the person. At the same time, if a consciousness suddenly appears with another body, if showing enough proof for it, people will consider the new body as the old person (consciousness). When a person acts differently from what he is anticipating to be, sentences like “Who are you?” or “Where the husband/ friend/ brother that I know went?”. This human perspective shows how we currently perceive human existence. In many ways, it elevates and separates the human consciousness from the obvious physical mechanism called the body.

The two parts of human existence are separate mechanisms operating on different time scales. The body always operates in the present, reacting to external stimuli and maintaining itself, aiming for mechanical optimization and survival. For our body, there is no past or future, only a reaction to the present stimulus and constant maintenance for the sake of its survival. Our body functions by itself. The blood circulation, digestion, etc., are all self-operating mechanism that the consciousness take for granted. 

Moreover, for most people, it is only when a part of the body stops functioning smoothly that we become aware of it. We are aware of our eyes and sight only when something goes wrong with our eyes. We become aware of our hearing capacity only when it starts to ring or whistle, and we are aware of our heart only when it has a severe problem. To us, the body is so well self-managed that we often forget to recognize how significant it is in our existence.

On the other hand, consciousness is a mechanism mainly occupied with predicting the future based on past experiences, positioning its operation everywhere except the present. Our subconscious (which we will discuss later) is probably more attentive to the present. Managing all the external cues and connecting the data of the present. Our consciousness from the other side exists in three different states. It can operate in the past, revisiting our subjective perception of past events. It can be in the future, calculating the potential outcomes (especially the ones we prefer to avoid) or in the abstract. As a state in which wishful imaginary scenarios are constructed that are not part of our past or a real potential practical future. The consciousness is never in the present. As a processing mechanism, it is always one moment too late or too early.

Our lives have moments when both the body and the consciousness are aligned. It has been called in many names. Currently, the most spread word for it is “Flow.” This stage is usually categorized as a moment in which a person is so immersed in the present that nothing else matters. In this stage, many people lose the perception of time. We are all familiar with this state. It is always achieved when doing something we are physically habituated to do and find pleasure in doing. A “negative flow” moment is also achieved in extreme danger. In a “fight or flight” moment, our focus is so high on the present that everything around us disappears. Interestingly, moments can be categorized as moments in which our consciousness is not operating. Without any evidence, I will claim a mixture of our physical body patterns and our subconsciousness operates in those moments.

The brain and consciousness can be trained in and for different purposes. Our body can be trained toward optimization of muscle, reaction, or immunity. While our consciousness can be trained to ignore, add, or exist in different states. In our current day, both our body and our consciousness are not fully understood to us. We have made significant progress in both, but we are still far from starting to understand fully its essence or its details. Nobody can fully explain the mysteries of our body molecules, DNA, and even the functionality of our cells. When it comes to consciousness, we can map the brain and recognize patterns, but this is the best we manage to do.

We are only alive because we wake up in the morning. It is as easy as that! We cannot stop it from happening. We close our eyes when the physical system signals that it needs recovery, and after a limited time, we wake up, and here we are again. There is no nihilism in this sentence. It is just a fact we are all aware of. Our body, unlike our consciousness, is just running its mechanism. It is a question of the unpreferable continuity of any well-functioning system that is powered up and constantly continues to get what it needs to operate. On the other side, our consciousness is extremely different. It is a by-product of our body that wakes us up constantly without giving us a good explanation, as consciousness is busy calculating outcomes based on past experiences. It works by constructing inner mechanisms of “logical” and constant cause-and-effect structures. It is a reinforcing machine that is optimized to predict successful future outcomes. We know how to add things together, creating combinations that, in their turn, make new variations. After all, if one is searching to predict the future, some basic past cause and effect should exist. Without it, it is pure guesswork, which cannot be trusted for survival. In many ways, our consciousness can be described as a relentless self-correcting mechanism that optimizes for successful prediction and not survival.

When using the words trust and control, we mean predictability. Trusting someone eventually boils down to being able to predict one action. It reflects the consistency of patterns and our trust it will continue to do so. In many ways, we can trust our enemies to be who they are if they follow a certain code. Trust is a function of subjective belief in our capacity to predict one future behavior into the future. Sometimes, we agree upon it aloud; sometimes, it is part of an observation process. Control is not different. It is our capacity (or belief) that we have and will have the power to influence the future the way we want it to be. When referring to the idea that somebody is in control, it usually means that he has a conscious belief in his capacity to influence the future favorably. Anxiety comes from recognizing we do not control future outcomes, and mistrust is created when our predictive mechanism fails us. Both refer to future outcomes and our predictive capacity based on our past experience.

One of the by-products of advanced consciousness is the requirement of meaning. It is the essence of human existence and the common denominator of all of us. We require meaning; without it, our consciousness cannot truly validate its existence. Let me explain this statement. Our bodies exist as part of the physical and objective world. We feel hunger, pain, and variation of heartbeat that constantly validate its existence. The enjoyment of pain felt by some people is a consequence of the need to validate our body's existence or compensate for a lack of deeper meaning. Consciousness is not physical.

Moreover, it is not part of our present in most of our lives. In many ways, consciousness is the essence of what we call abstract, as it represents an entity that we know exists that is always there. One we cannot see, touch, or physically validate. We know it is there, but we cannot prove it. Due to that, humans require meaning. One that will justify and validate the existence of consciousness. It is an unstoppable process, as consciousness is unstoppable. It is part of the human mechanism. It is human's biggest blessing and its biggest curse.

Historically, human actions can be understood as a search and validation for meaning. Eventually, the human experience is based on the creation of meaning and its protection. It can come in many forms that all boil down to what we call Identity. Identity is meaning. It is the structure we attach to ourselves. One that allows us first to create a logical path that explains our existence and secondly (and more importantly) it validates our existence by attaching ourselves to something recognizable and accepted by other people around us (which is an extension of the physical world we are part of). As we will see later, meaning and identity come in many forms, and a lack of them will create havoc by forcing people into extremism. It is the only denominator of human existence and its capacity to flourish. All other aspects of our life are just a second or third order from it.

As I mentioned previously, conscience has two separate ways to validate itself. The first is to recognize its pattern and prove itself it is successfully constant over time and accurate in its capacity to predict itself, which is internal. The second is by external validation. This is done by associating itself with outside factors that react to it, validating its existence. It is unclear if only one can exist without the other for a functioning healthy system. Possibly, both are required to a certain extent, balancing and reinforcing each other. As we will see later, the need for power, obsessive need for control, religions, the pursuit of money, and most mental problems can be explained and traced to a lack of internal meaning or a general collapse of its validating principle. Relationships, family, and affiliation to society are also part of meaning in the form of purpose. (We will delve into it as well later on). Meaning is the essence of our existence. Whether we like it or not, it is built into us.

I believe that most, if not all, of the problems we face in the West are part of a meaning crisis. Extreme liberalism, depression, suicide, hate, extremism, and social crisis reflect it. It is a lack of internal meaning and a lack of positive and constructive external validation that makes us feel lost, detached, lacking control, anxious, and angry. God gave humans an internal source of validation by creating a relationship with his consciousness. In my latest book, “The Human Perspective- New Lessons from Genesis,” I discuss the idea that God can be seen as our consciousness. Based on that assumption, the “Death of God,” referred to by Nitzsche, can be seen as the death of our clear connection and pursuit of understanding with our inner world. By reaching this point, the only validation people are left with is external, making them more meaningful than they should be. This is also reflected in the little space and studies we apply to Philosophy in our current society. Philosophy is an alternative path toward internal meaning. By “killing our gods” and leaving philosophy behind, our capacity to understand, speak, and positively evolve from our meaning crisis seems complicated.

Before moving forward, I will add a short discussion about the subconscious. Without it, we cannot move forward peacefully and reach true conclusions that can help us understand ourselves, life, and the possible solutions. Zigmond Frued has popularized the concept of the subconscious. Making it familiar to most of the Western world. To explain it simply, subconsciousness is part of our thinking mechanism that works outside our consciousness. It works faster and on a larger scale. It constitutes a lot of different patterns and memories we cannot always recall. It is a mechanism that spits to the consciousness conclusions. Some parts of the subconscious process can be reached by a concentrated effort (as rebuilding a certain logic slower), and some other parts of it are unreachable. In other cases, we become aware of our subconscious assumptions only when reaching a new point in life.

A good example is the discovery most people reach when they first become parents. A complete set of beliefs and mental structures flood their consciousness from one moment to another. They are full of values and ideas about which kind of parent they should be (we will come back to), how they expect their spouse to behave, and what person they should become. These values were always there in the subconscious, built up over life but never addressed or reached. They become real and relevant from nowhere, moving forward to the consciousness.

While it is all true and fascinating, when it comes to meaning, I believe the role of the subconsciousness needs to be seen as a secondary machine that serves ideas to the consciousness. It is a bit like a coffee machine. It will spit coffee based on the capsule you insert into it. As long as the machine works (meaning the subconscious spits things out), what is happening in the machine is irrelevant. Life and meaning are, in many ways, all about what you do with the coffee once it is out.

Additionally, the relation between consciousness and the subconscious is not a one-directional path. Consciousness affects the subconscious and vice versa. Controlling and exploring the subconscious is a fascinating topic that can occupy a lifetime. Still, it is not relevant or practical if we are to understand the role and importance of meaning truly. The belief that there is an untouchable void in ourselves that we cannot reach and affect our lives is not helpful (and even destructive). If we are to bring ourselves from nowhere to somewhere, it is only the concentration on what we can control and our reaction to it that matters. Only our consciousness can be controlled, trained, and understood in this context. Making it the only relevant conversation worth having.

Consciousness is a given, and so is our need for meaning. It is not a question of will. As our body needs food, our consciousness needs meaning. How we handle it and the path we choose to adopt in the subject matter will determine our life, happiness, and peacefulness. There is not a single true meaning to fit them all. Oppositely, endless paths fit each person and possibly each period of an individual life. I believe that how we build and maintain this meaning makes all the difference to start with. I will develop the concept and detail it in my following posts.

When we lack purpose, life is meaningless. With a meaning, our consciousness gets lost and requires a power struggle and external extremism to validate its existence. Most people look for simple external answers to deep and complicated topics, making them vulnerable to bad actors that pull them into their madness for the sake of power and fame. I believe it is not our society that is broken but our capacity to create internal meaning and positive external validation. Only by addressing this subject can we start to understand how to get out of our current crisis united and with better youth. Our youth need guidance (and most of us, too). It is our duty to help them as they are our future. Meaning is the essence of the human experience and our shared denominator. If we stop arguing about gender, pronounce, patriarchy, politics, and all the rest of the temporary nonsense that mainly makes us feel weak, lost, and victimized, and start talking about shared meaning, internal purpose, and positive role models. Maybe we still have a chance. A chance to give ourselves and our children hope for a better future.