The Masculinity Crisis
The following text is an excerpt from my book Meaning in the Age of Absurdity, written in late 2023. I’ve chosen to share it here in light of recent reports highlighting the distressing conditions in classrooms across the UK and the US, particularly the growing sense of disorientation and disengagement among young men.
If the ideas explored in this chapter resonate with you, I encourage you to consider reading the full book. It offers a deeper examination of the current crisis facing our society and outlines possible paths forward.
The state of men and masculinity needs to be discussed if we are to fully address the social symptoms of the meaning crisis. Men have lost their historical role as a protector and provider in western society. To put it simply, peace, the export of manual work to the east, and the increasing segment of the service economy all contributed to the creation of a reality in which physical strength is no longer needed as a requirement in society. Additionally, the well-needed liberation of women, their entry into the workforce, and the ever-growing welfare state all changed society. Equalizing the playing field and creating a new social order in which women no longer need man as the only or main breadwinner in the family.
Adding to all of these, the rising notion that the elevation of men is directly correlated to the degradation of the status or freedom of women, placing both sexes' success as a zero-sum game, hindered our capacity as a society to have a real and constructive conversation on this topic. Leaving a subject that affects 50% of the population directly and 100% of the population indirectly unaddressed.
Adding to the complexity of this issue, some other trends have evolved in the last 60 years, affecting the development of men. Changes in general nutrition and the lack of physical activities are part of the explanation associated with a very concerning trend. Based on clear evidence22, a constant decrease in testosterone has been observed in men for the last 60 years. A trend that has doubled in speed in recent years. This hormonal change has important consequences as it changes the physical development of kids into manhood and affects the mental state of our population. Many people (especially the Neo Feminist) see it as a blessing as Testosterone is associated with aggression. An idea that is based on truth but represents only a small part of the total side effect of this trend. Low levels of testosterone also affects men's motivation, strength, and urge to socialize and mate. All traits that are needed in a functional society.
A concerning trend has emerged in the last few decades, demonizing men and the general concept of masculinity hailed by the Neo-feminist movement. A trend that has been well documented both in the role of men in movies and TV shows, as in the general movement of deconstructionism, aggressively explaining to the youngest generations that all our male historical heroes were sexist at best or patriarchal racist. This trend started in the early 80s, presenting the father figure in many TV shows as incompetent, lazy, and sometimes truly sexist. Following a few years of this trend, a shift started in recent decades, aggressively changing all the male heroes in movies to female ones. Additionally, as part of the aggressive process of deconstructionism led by our current educational system, a slow movement demonizing all our historical heroes has taken over the west. Killing aggressively all the possible male role models that took meaningful part in creating western greatest nations and cultures. Leaving young people with no real example of what a real positive masculinity is.
The crisis of men is different from that of women. From men’s perspective, feminism gives women a clear vision and role to aim for. It is calling for women to be strong, independent, and free to experiment with their passion for the sake of self-fulfilment. On many levels, the frame built from the side of neo-feminism is everything that could have been categorized as the less pleasant aspect of the manhood they so despise. They are told to pursue a career, search to discover themselves in a quest involving multiple sexual partners, be emotionless and harsh as a boss, and pursue status and money. While many things can be said about it, the relevant part for this conversation is that from the women's point of view, the bottom line is that they should be “more”. This frame of reference is outlined in specific terms. One each woman can follow and aim for. When looking at the family structure, it is clear for Neo feminists what they shouldn’t do any longer. The idea is simple: everything that represented old femininity is off the table, including nurturing their own child.
On the other hand, men are in a completely different predicament. At the core of our current social movement, the demands from men are in the negative or just abstract. Depending on the social interaction, men, in general, are asked to be less of what they are, not be like their elders, or just be more of something they are not. Leaving many with a general feeling of confusion, guilt, and frustration. This general approach is not constructive, as it does not have a specific path to be taken by men, fitting their natural inclination. Eventually, men are asked to be less masculine (meaning participating less in men's activities, not acting as providers and protectors, etc.), not to act like their grandfathers (meaning not seeing relationships and women in the historical traditional patriarchal way), and be in general more feminine (meaning being more connected to their emotions, nurturing kids like women, etc.).
While some of these claims are truly relevant and positive on the great scale of things, it does not change the fact that, at its core, those demands are abstract at best and contradicting the natural evolutionary development of men at worst. Additionally, as mentioned previously, it mainly explains to men what they shouldn’t be instead of giving them a clear path to walk in proudly.
Another factor that affects all younger generations and is relevant to this topic is the coddling of our recent generation. Recent generation of parents has shown a concerning trend, making our youngest generation weak, conflict avoidant and entitled. A trend that is well-documented all-over western society. A wonderful book has been written by Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt9 called “The Coddling of the American Mind,” showing this trend clearly. In their book, they suggest that this process has been taking place out of the goodwill of parents to protect their children. A general tendency that by itself is understandable.
Regardless, a tragic outcome of a prolonged time of peace has made us all weaker and confused. While the trend affects men and women alike, its outcome seems different. Entitled young women march proudly, demanding their rights to be whatever and whoever they choose to become. Their incapability to handle conflict or hardship is reflected in their requirements for institutionalized protection (as safe spaces and cancelation of triggering ideas) while demanding that everything that can endanger their existence be banned or criminalized. Men, on the other hand, reacted to this trend differently. As they lost the capacity to compete, show aggression (natural and healthy for young adults), overcome hardship, or take any leadership, a general movement of caving into nothingness emerged.
Recent data23 shows an alarming trend forming in western culture. One in which a growing number of young men are sexless and do not aim for any short or long-term relationship while numbing themselves with excess drugs, porn, and video games. Additionally, many men who lost the prospect of mating, lost with it any incentive to create a career or partake a meaningful role in society. A trend clearly shown in the diminishing of men's participation in the workforce and in the number of graduates. It is a very concerning trend we should all take very seriously for several reasons. The first is that it has economic implications that will affect not only specific households but society as a whole. Secondly, the more time passes, the more the claim of Neo feminism will be validated, creating a downward spiral based on self-validation. Finally, if and when war breaks, no more men will be there to defend the nation and its families.
Adding to the above, historically, a big population of dissatisfied men has been bad news. For hundreds of years, the social solution to this problem was sending young, disassociated men to war or exploration. This was an accepted social structure throughout history. Intuitively, people understood that poor men without marriage or economic prospects are dangerous to society. As they group up, they become a real threat as the chance of violence, revolution, and chaos increases with their numbers. The fact that society has currently managed to numb a big part of the population with drugs, porn, and video games seems to be a temporary solution. I believe it is just a matter of time before some, if not all, will realize the predicament they are in searching for more relevant alternatives. Bringing me to a more concerning trend that has emerged in the last 30 years.
This trend is related to the alternative emerging currently in the west. Lost men without meaning or a healthy role model to follow are constantly searching for guidance. As men are hierarchical in nature, their understanding of their own predicament positions them to search for strong men to lead them. Making them susceptible to bad actors. Not surprisingly, many young, isolated men turn to the internet for answers. Finding new counter-movements that emerged over time in the darkest part of social media. Exposing them to the most extreme of ideas presented as facts by confident profiteers or proper sexists. As I discussed in the previous chapter, social media is a horrible place to search for guidance if one does not have a strong foundation to start with. The algorithm on these platforms couldn’t care less about one inner crisis. It will show one of the two options to its user. Ideas that confirm what one already holds or extreme ideas that will make one furious. It is just how it works, making social media one of the worst places lost men could and should go to in times of crisis.
As a person who spent many years researching these men's social domains, I can attest that these movements are as extreme and unconstructive as the ideas of Neo-feminism. It is not surprising as, at their core, they are all counter-movements presenting the same insanity from a different angle. They all promote a combination of fear, hate, or pure chauvinistic ideas. Some of the movements push men to see women as being self-concentrated, blood-sucking narcissistic, manipulative, greedy monsters that should be avoided at all costs. At the same time, other groups present women as being shallow and easily manipulate trophies to be acquired as a secondary outcome of men pursuit for muscle, money, fame, and self-fulfilment. Both led by profiteers who made a great career feeding on the wounds of wandering souls.
The most concerning aspect of all of this is that, over time, we are creating a population of poor, lonely, lost and frustrated men with nothing to hold them back or give them purpose. Historically, such a concentration is correlated with violence, chaos, and revolution. After all, young men with no purpose have nothing to stop them from being the worst version of themselves. Making all the extreme prophesies of the Neo feminists a reality. Additionally, preventing us from having a real constructive conversation about it allows bad actors and bad ideas to be the first and only “go-to” for many people.
The general adversary ideas promoted by both feminist and masculine figures are a huge net negative for all of society, taking place in front of our eyes. The decline rate of marriage31, workforce participation32, and birth rate33. Combined with an increased rate of divorces, single parent households34, suicide, addictions35, and extremism are all trends that have been evolving for decades now. Associated with the incapability of men and women to understand their healthy role in relationships and society. It is a clear outcome of the meaning crisis presented in this book. An unfortunate development that I believe should be of the top priority of our conversation.
If we are to aim for the flourishment of society and its individuals, a reality in which society is constructed from angry women and lost men cannot be encouraged. The absurd notion that men and women are in competition instead of a complementary force that leads to meaning and purpose is destructive to all participants. I have no doubt that the fall of theology and its social values created a vacuum. One that is part of the natural process of human evolution and paradigm change. Regardless, I believe many young men and women have good intentions and a wish to be something better at their core. The lack of guidance and constant brainwashing, based on all the ideas covered in this book are pushing them into dark corners. Affecting the future prospects of society and the chance of the west to survive overall. It neither men's nor women's fault on aggregate. It is a reflection of a deep meaning crisis engulfing western society.
I believe most men would love to be worthy of a wife to love, protect, and cherish. One to build a family together and create the most powerful meaning existing in human life. Most have it in them, if they like it or not. Regardless, without proper manly guidance, heroes, and social support, the process of maturing from adolescent to healthy adult manhood seems to not function correctly. Men need to be men, and women need to be women. Let's allow ourselves to be what we are, not because we must, but because it will allow us to see the current immature fight for dominance for what it is – a cry for help from confused people who are missing guidance and meaning.